July 3rd marks 6 years of marriage! That's 6 years of growing, laughing a ton, and loving each other. Marriage is both the most difficult and the most rewarding thing in our lives, contradictory as that sounds... But, there are two people becoming one person spiritually. That's a lot of work! We are 6 years in with many to go, and we wanted to share 3 valuable lessons we've learned so far.
1) BE KIND!
1 Corinthians 13 is the road map on how to love one another. 1 Corinthians 13:4 (ESV) remindes us "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant...". It's so easy to let your emotions get the best of you and lure you into a rabbit hole of intentionally hurting one another. We are actively working on always believing and assuming the best from one another to avoid the pitfall of personal offense. There is also power in pausing. If something is said or done that hurts your feelings, press pause. What kind of day are they having? Did something happen that I don't yet know about? How much sleep are they running on? Are they hangry? (snacks are very important in our house). Asking these questions help distract yourself from your own initial emotion and asses the situation before you react. Kindness is always affective.
2) COMMUNICATION IS KEY!
We have come to fully believe that healthy relationships rise and fall on effective communication. In transparency, we can connect most of our arguments to poor communication between one another. Different genders, different personalities, different backgrounds, different childhood experiences all contribute to VERY different communication styles and needs. Guy prefers to discuss the details to that we can have a well rounded perspective while Rachel prefers more "to the point" conversations with minimal details needed. Neither is right or wrong, just different. Communication is something we are actively improving with tools such as writing letters to each other. This gives us an opportunity to right out every thought and emotion we need to convey on a topic without being interrupted. Taking notes during a disagreement has also helped us stay on track and avoid rabbit holes. You can also kick it old school by only talking if you're holding a particular object. Whatever needs to happen to improve communication, DO IT!
3) EMBRACING ONE-NESS
Mark 10:8 (ESV) "and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one." Cute Bible verse, right? It's actually quite the process! Becoming "one" is both a beautiful and a painfully selfless process. We've learned that you have to truly surrender your ego to move in the direction of oneness. I don't think either of us realized how selfish we were as people until we got married. No longer were one person's needs greater than the other. No longer did we have the right to feel entitled. Becoming "one" is way more than learning to compromise; it's trusting God with your individuality while submitting to one another. I believe this is a constant process as you continue to grow and change within your marriage. Although challenging, embracing God's design and intention for your marriage holds so much power and joy.
Our culture doesn't promote long-lasting marriages. In a world where its easy and acceptable to throw in the towel at the slightest inconvenience, we've found so much strength in God and the wisdom of the successful couples around us. We are excited for the many more years to come!
-Guy & Rachel